MJ calls what happened to her in Zion national park “small ‘T’ trauma”. She knows women have experienced worse from their partners. But she still feels the anger of being left behind on a hike by her now ex. “It brings up stuff in my body that maybe I have not cleared out yet,” she said.
Five years ago, MJ and a new partner – he was not exactly her boyfriend, and the pair were not exclusive – traveled from Los Angeles to Utah for an adventure getaway. MJ, who is 38 and works in PR, was looking forward to exploring Zion’s striking scenery; its vast sandstone canyon and pristine wading trails were on the list. But on the morning of their big hike, MJ was not feeling well. She could not shake the feeling that something was “off”; indeed, MJ would learn on this trip that her partner was seeing other women.
As they made their way up Angel’s Landing, MJ’s partner started walking faster than her. “I could tell it was getting on his nerves that I was slow,” she said. “I was like, ‘Fuck it, just go ahead of me.’” He did without hesitation.
When she caught up at the top of the mountain, they took a picture together. Then her partner hiked down the mountain with a woman he had met on the way up, leaving MJ to finish by herself. They broke up shortly after that trip. (MJ asked to be referred to by her initials for the sake of speaking openly about a past relationship.)
Last month, MJ opened TikTok and heard the phrase “alpine divorce”, a label she now attaches to her experience in Zion.
They made a generalized comment about the men on Lemmy, not men in general.
Edit: The men on Lemmy tend to be more left and progressive and they use that as a shield to say they’re better than conservatives. But there is one blind spot that is very common, common enough that a generalization rings true - women.
That’s true, it’s kind of a grey area. I could see it being argued either way whether it’s an identity group given it’s defined by both identity and choice. I guess it’s not? I still think it would be better not to make a generalization like that, given you will be ascribing negative qualities to people who do not deserve it, but I’m splitting hairs at this point. The sentiment expressed had value I suppose.
If I said that the women who participate in the 4B movement by and large hate men, that is an accurate generalization.
If the men on Lemmy don’t want to be seen as misogynists, then they should put in the work to comment opposite of those views and they should hold people espousing those views as accountable as they do women who are rightfully upset at being blamed for all of men’s wrong-doings.
Fair enough. I think that does happen, it’s just that that doesn’t eliminate the people who are making sexist comments. I do think there’s a difference between someone who’s a part of an ideological movement (their chosen group clearly expresses their views) and someone who is just using a particular website for various reasons (their choice to use that website does not imply general agreement with the website’s views) but I see your point.
People who make sexist comments will never be reduced to zero, but it would sure be awesome to not see those comments with dozens of upvotes.
It’s the support those comments receive that lead me to believe the men on Lemmy are overwhelmingly misogynists.
Yes, those comments get too much support here. There is resistance, but not enough. Maybe I will spend a bit more effort doing that instead of arguing with people who I largely agree with. I will never entirely stop doing the latter (I believe to reach the truth I must vocally disagree with the flaws of arguments even if I agree with the premise or conclusion) but I could shift my priorities towards fighting the most egregious views first/harder.
I don’t think I have much more to say here but I do appreciate this conversation. It started a bit rough but I always appreciate when someone is willing to stick it out and really discuss something.
Honestly I ended up enjoying our back and forth so thank you for the conversation. Apologies that I was initially a tad hostile - this particular comment thread has been nasty.
No worries! I apologize too for some of my earlier comments.
lol just a small note - yeah some upset boy has now gone through and downvoted most of my comments in our conversation while leaving yours alone.
Boys absolutely get upset at my views and go through my post history in a rage. At this point, I rather like it. It means I’ve gotten under their skin just for existing as an outspoken woman.
But yeah, Lemmy is overwhelmingly sending the message that they don’t want women here and it sucks.