MJ calls what happened to her in Zion national park “small ‘T’ trauma”. She knows women have experienced worse from their partners. But she still feels the anger of being left behind on a hike by her now ex. “It brings up stuff in my body that maybe I have not cleared out yet,” she said.
Five years ago, MJ and a new partner – he was not exactly her boyfriend, and the pair were not exclusive – traveled from Los Angeles to Utah for an adventure getaway. MJ, who is 38 and works in PR, was looking forward to exploring Zion’s striking scenery; its vast sandstone canyon and pristine wading trails were on the list. But on the morning of their big hike, MJ was not feeling well. She could not shake the feeling that something was “off”; indeed, MJ would learn on this trip that her partner was seeing other women.
As they made their way up Angel’s Landing, MJ’s partner started walking faster than her. “I could tell it was getting on his nerves that I was slow,” she said. “I was like, ‘Fuck it, just go ahead of me.’” He did without hesitation.
When she caught up at the top of the mountain, they took a picture together. Then her partner hiked down the mountain with a woman he had met on the way up, leaving MJ to finish by herself. They broke up shortly after that trip. (MJ asked to be referred to by her initials for the sake of speaking openly about a past relationship.)
Last month, MJ opened TikTok and heard the phrase “alpine divorce”, a label she now attaches to her experience in Zion.
You can choose to believe that, but my perspective is wholly my own, as much as such a thing can be separated from a gendered experience at least, and is not intended to dogpile people. I think even if you believe the other person in a conversation is not acting in good faith, it can still be useful to understand their worldview to learn why they are acting how they are. You may disagree with me, but I think if you look at what I’ve said with the goal of learning what and how I think, you will gain a more complete understanding of why I have said what I’ve said. It’s probably more effort that is reasonable to ask of someone to do that, but I find it valuable to try. Of course, sometimes the conclusion will be that the other person really is unreasonable; nothing you can do about that tbh.
I’ve seen your replies here - they’re primarily focused towards the women.
As I said in the other thread, that’s because the misogynists don’t have an argument worth responding to in the first place. Telling someone they suck takes one comment, discussing something takes longer.
You don’t see anything wrong with that stance?
You’re content to let misogynists spread their hate because it’s too hard to change their minds, so you’ll pick at women and their comments?
No, I do reply to mysogynists and tell them to get bent. What I’m saying is that interacting with actually intelligent (or at least interesting) takes produces many more comments.