The boss walks in, there’s someone on the phone for you:
- Phone: “Hi, I’m the leader person behind that book/television/film franchise you complain about online and gee-whiz, you’re right! We want you to run things from here on out.”
- You: “Do I get supreme retcon powers?”
- Phone: “Of course! We’ll even retroactively edit in your changes!”
Huh, that was easy. What are you changing?
World of Warcraft, I’m making the Legion no longer all aliens, they’re demons from Hell again. Also the Draenei look exclusively like the Broken, no pretty goats allowed.
Yes I am retconning a retcon, it’s been ~20 years and it still bothers me! also ig Shadowlands never happened, just for good measure.
Completely jettison all of Star Trek Discovery and the Section 31 movie.
Immediately reshoot Season 8 of GOT with what I thought was going to happen.
Retconning basically every character death retcon they’ve made in Yakuza over the years, and making Pirates completely non-canon because what the fuck
Star Wars Episode 1-3 revamped with better actors and writing.
Everything Disney except Rogue One related material gets scrapped and redone.
you no like jar jar binks? what did general jar jar binks do to you? 🤪
Delete everything that happened in the Battletech lore for where the last civil war book ended. Then keep writing the civil war timeline so it’s actually finished instead of where it’s been left.
Oh man, I think we could be friends.
I have most of Dark Age on my shelf but I’ve barely read it.
Lol yeah, I was reading them chronologically…60-ish books in or whatever I’m like wait… You just gonna leave it at Vlad and the Steiner-Davions like that?! I don’t get a resolution for Kathryn? I don’t get a resolution for my peeps in the Wolves in a Exile?! Just gonna jump decades into the future?
Well I don’t like that at all…
Make the latest rick and morty season actually funny and good.
Ironically, that would probably end up with a different season of slop
The writers haven’t been subtle, though the episodes they’ve been directly saying they don’t know what people want from them and they keep getting told to be more like season 1
Well, we got something like season 1. The characters undid their character development and the episodes are aimless riffs off of classic sci-fi and cosmic horror
I think I’d just get the writing staff off of social media and pay them to hang out in a comfy room until they have an idea they’re excited about again
roiland was sadly a cornerstone of the show.
I’ll agree with that.
The Legend of Korra spoilers:
spoiler
Korra doesn’t stakelessly get her bending back 15 seconds after losing it to Amon. They had the opportunity to give her the self-discovery arc that they tried to shoehorn into the post-Zaheer poison recovery.
The series could’ve had much better footing, in my opinion, if Korra had wrestle with that just a bit longer. Instead, a bunch of bald people show up and say, “I got you, Holmes,” and then she’s good as new.
It’s been a while, and I’ve lost some of my steam over this. But yeah, that’s the only one I’ve got the energy to type out right now.
That time Janeway and Paris hit Warp 10 in Star Trek.
Such a cool concept ruined by such a stupid episode.
Also Trip doesn’t die.
You’d kill their children?! *le gasp* you monster!
Jar Jar is the sith lord as intended.
The Last Jedi doesn’t happen the way it did. Instead, the moment on the island where Rey tries to hand Luke the lightsaber has him reject it in anger and anguish, afraid that the past he thought he had left far behind him has re-emerged. It does not get casually tossed off the cliff for a cheap giggle. The reasons for the rejection can be broadly the same, if necessary, but they can be shown in a less weird and melodramatic way.
In this new version, Finn gets something (anything) to do, ideally something that will bring he and Rey closer together by the end.
Poe does not play “Can you hear me now?” with Hux. There is no casino planet, no obvious double cross and no little moppets with magical broomsticks.
Luke does not die at the end. Leia dies at the 2/3s point, and it’s this that finally brings Luke back into the fold, perhaps to get revenge, perhaps to honour her dying wish, whatever.
Snoke is not discarded like a used tissue. Kylo and Rey still communicate psychically, but there’s no hint of romance. Instead he starts to tempt her towards the dark side, leveraging the pain she feels towards the parents who abandoned her.
I dunno, just something which follows on more naturally from TFA, which is darker, and which definitely is less silly than what we got.
The Rise of Skywalker is in many ways the same as in reality, but it’s Snoke and not the Emperor that’s the Big Bad (although maybe you get the Emperor involved as some sort of Force ghost mentor to Snoke, or whatever). It follows on much more naturally from TLJ, because it doesn’t have to spend the first 30 minutes doing major course corrections. Finn and Rey get together, only for one of them to be killed off… or were they?
Somehow, Snoke returned…
No need, he was just fine after my version of TLJ 😁
Somehow, Snoke is just fine
😁
I would tackle some of the sloppiness of Fallout’s lore in relation to the Bethesda games.
Primarily, I’d set Fallout 3 like 25 years after the bombs instead of 200. It never made sense to me that creatures or people can survive 200 years in a location with poison water. I’d have to take out the Ghouls or alter the lore there a bit, though.
I’d revamp the plot of Fallout 4, either making it totally about the synths or removing them entirely, and also set it shortly(ish) after the bombs fell. Bethesda doesn’t necessarily make bad games, they just don’t fully consider established canon before making creative decisions. Which irks me tremendously, because really all you have to do is hire one obsessed nerd and run decisions by him.
all you have to do is hire one obsessed nerd and run decisions by him
If it’s Henry Cavill, you’ve got your actor AND obsessed nerd in the same package!
All of the Kelvin-verse Star Trek movies and all Disney-canon Star Wars content.
.......Except for Andor and Rogue One. That shit is tight.
I agree about the start ears stuff after watching Andor I was like F the Jedi story line, I want more of this!
I don’t mind kelvin since it’s its own universe. Also I think it got lots of people into trek. The 09 movie is what got me started on the series and now I’ve seen it all many times over.
But why the kelvin universe, it already is its own canon
Because it never should’ve been made in the first place.
Like the Star Wars sequels, it was just yet another example of
- a mainstream, well-known, toe-the-line corporate Hollywood director who
- is known for making big bombastic movies that are great eye-candy but shallow stories (“a mile wide but an inch deep”),
- who aren’t actually fans of the franchise & are thus actually just outsiders to the fandom and thus don’t know what makes actual members of the fandom “tick”, what makes the content great and all that,
- and because they’re not huge fans of the franchise, rather than spend the time & energy to consume, understand, and get up to speed with all the years of varied lore (good and bad), they just go the lazy route, say “fuck it let’s just do a reboot” so they don’t have to do all the work.
It’s easy to say that the Kelvinverse is “just an alternative canon”, but that’s only because it largely flopped. If the Kelvinverse had taken off, or if Paramount had been stubborn and kept with it like Disney has with the Star Wars “Disney canon”, it would have undoubtedly been the only officially recognized canon. This is exactly what happened to Star Wars, and as it stands Legends/EU canon have only largely been kept alive by the fans, with very few exceptions (one of them being the Star Wars: The Old Republic MMO).
Yeah, that’s easy to ignore, if you insist. Not even a mention of the whole Picard disaster? Weird.
343/Microsoft should have let Bungie’s “ending” for Master Chief stay - Where chief saves earth but gets put into indefinite cryo as he is forever lost in space.
It would have put him full circle (as he was a superweapon waiting in cryo when the series started) and it would put him into a state not unlike the halos themselves, which I think was Bungie’s intent.
There are a lot of stories and things to explore within Halo’s universe and I would like to see more of those than bad-guy-of-the-week that Chief has to stop.
Do I also have unlimited money? What am I saying, the BBC is obviously swimming in money. Undo everything until shortly before the Doctor regenerates into David Tennant again and instead commission Studio Ghibli to do a 26 episodes series based on my Doctor Who comic about 13 and Rose, voiced of course by Jodie Whittaker and Billie Piper.
No, I don’t at all hate everything since Jodie left, I just prefer my vision, that’s all. :D
Okay, I am a merciful god - if the BBC have to watch their budget this year, we just undo The Power of the Doctor.
The Master’s plan is now not simply to swap clothes with the Doctor (???) but to actually swap faces. Jodie gets to be the Master and go bonkers on the universe while the Sacha Dhawan!Doctor has to convince Yaz (cue lesbian confusion) that he really is the Doctor and then go after the Master. At the end of TPotD, the Jodie!Master still regenerates into David Tennant (wearing 13’s clothes for fuck’s sake) and the 60th Anniversary is about how the Master uses the Doctor’s most popular face to absolutely ruin their reputation in all of time and space.
(Donna, after having her memory forcefully restored, instantly clocks that this is not the Doctor she knows but is forced to accompany him because he is threatening her daughter. She complains loudly about everything he does.)
In the end, the Doctor still regenerates into Ncuti and we’ll see where to go from there.
… can 13 and Yaz at least have the chastest of kisses on the lips before the end? That’d be fine too…
I came here to do a Doctor Who one too, can I tack it onto yours?
It’s also revealed that the Master just hacked the Matrix to mess with the Doctor’s head, and the Timeless Child was just some bullshit he made up.
That’s going in as well, yes.
Hmm, I’ll have to run it by the head office but I think unlimited money should be okay. (and heck yes, I’m down with this vision)
Nnnnnoice. 🤩
