How long could you bare to be in the smell he reportedly emits. The amount of time the staffer spent putting that on was the same as how long they could hold their breath.

My preferred fictional outcome is Putin orders a full launch, but almost all the missiles just do a small fart in their tubes as no maintenance was done, and the ones that launch end up reaching escape velocity and disappearing because the people in charge of the silos had long since sold the payloads for yacht money…