The Deep Ones gleefully rubbing their hands

Swaggart “Can I roll to convince the sex workers to leave me alone?”

GM “Sure.”

Swaggart rolls a nat 20

Swaggart “Oh no, it looks like I rolled a nat 1. Looks like I have to sleep with the sex workers, again.”

Fly into space and reverse the Earth’s rotation. This way we travel back in time. I will the use my knowledge of the future to become like Lex Luthor.

The Oligopoly “We’re going to use this government money to fund share buy backs and to fatten our pockets.”

Build fiber to rural areas so they won’t need Starlink

Canadian Government “Sorry, the best I can do is get three companies that are an oligopoly to one day, maybe, fix this.”

Standing in a middle of a torrential downpour, completely soaked, getting sick, and tired.
Hails a cab
Sees that it is a cybertruck
“I would prefer to die right now then get into one”
Stops hailing for a cab

I was wondering when ol’ Trumpy would start talking about making Canada, a “state”.

Centrists won’t address the actual issues that cause fascism to fester. Instead centrists will pivot right to out right the fascists.

The problem isn’t Trump, it’s his followers. One of those followers will think it’s a good idea to invade Canada.

So we should thank TERFs for having a trans women Pope? Watching TERFs meltdown over these would be hilarious.

Many people are asking “Did JD Vance have a hand in the Pope’s death?”

To a fascist, image is everything. Ruin their image for the sad, fucking weirdos that they are makes fascists weak.

Who knew Teslsas would set on fire in hot temperatures.

Ol’ smrty Musky won’t be blamed for the tragic accident. It would be some helpless fall person or Las Vegas.

Smrty Musky can’t be blamed for this.

A charged Li-Ion battery aflame is no joke, as we saw when it was the Galaxy Note 7. It’s a major concern for EVs catching fire in tunnels, parking garages, and ferries. They are SUPER HARD to extinguish- legacy techniques don’t really work.

Thank god, ol’ smarty Musky built a tunnel with no safety features for all those Teslas.

I don’t know why Canada and Mexico haven’t done a press conference where they rip up the USMCA agreement.

Luckily it’s so simple I bet even musks teenagers could figure it out.

You are giving Musky’s teenagers way too much credit.

The good ol Russian elevator.

How about the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too?

Still too tough for them to understand.