See also: A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder

If an angry mob had closed a loophole around Richard Nixon’s neck after he received his pardon, we probably wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in today.

Hey, there’s still that mushroom-based coffee substitute!

I’m sorry for making light of a serious situation. I would also rather die than drink that cursed substance.

Reminds me of New Hampshire’s Old Man of the Mountain, a famous rock formation that looked like a man in profile, which was so identified with New Hampshire that they put it on their state quarter… and which collapsed within a couple of years of the quarter being released.

I went through a handful of devices, and none of them ticked off all the boxes for me.

Now I use a Unihertz Jelly Star. It’s tiny, it has Bluetooth, Wifi, expandable memory, headphone jack, and in a pinch it’s also a phone with a camera and flashlight and so forth. The battery charges very fast, and it’s got a halfway decent external speaker. More dedicated audiophiles than me would have to weigh in on if it’s pumping out audio signal in all the right bass and treble frequencies at appropriate levels, but it does everything I wanted from a digital audio player.

Okay, but let’s also notice this specimen of athletic supremacy over here.

Sunk cost fallacy.

You could probably poll 10,000 random Americans and find about 25% that would be in favor of eating lightbulbs and severing diplomatic ties with the magical land of Oz. That bottom 25% of Americans has got some real issues.

Give him one made of chocolate. See how long it takes for him to notice.

OPEC managed to fuck United States up pretty bad back in the 70s.

“Evolution?”

The irony of this being Soviet anti-war propaganda is not lost on me.

“I need you to prove that you’re bi.”

[produces ticket stub]

“Fuck, that’s good proof.”

Edit:

Fun Toy Banned Because Of Three Stupid Dead Kids

Why would I?

Take one of the most violently-contested parts of the Earth, a center of blood feuds that have been raging for, depending on how you count it, between eighty and six thousand years, a place that has become synonymous for “a location of endless conflict,” take that piece of real estate, enhance the violence, and then tell yourself you’re going to build a bunch of high-end real estate and invite rich assholes to move in.

What could possibly go wrong?

Okay, well, the last time I made this joke it came true, so I’m going to throw some salt over my shoulder after I say it, but how about instead of that, we just give Russia about 20,000 square miles of Alaska. We can start with the entirety of the Aleutian Island chain (about 6,800 sq. miles), and then work out some chunk of the mainland for the rest. That seems reasonable.

And if that does come true, then by God I’m going to go out and buy a lottery ticket.