hi, so i recently discovered im more left wing (democratic) than right wing (republican), but im still not the most politically correct. earlier today we were discussing abortion and i said i felt bad for the women who the anti abortion people affect, but my friend corrected me and said i meant “people who get pregnant”, because men (like trans men but still men) can get pregnant. and not all women get pregnant so it doesnt affect them. she said it gently but i feel like an ass</3
Hey, trans masc here,
Love the sentiment but don’t feel like an ass. If you want to include us in the sentiment it does some great stuff! It signals to trans and non-binary people who might be in listening range but be closeted or suppressing their needs in the interest of “not making waves” that you are a safe person to be themselves around. A lot of people who “don’t know a non binary person” might not simply because the ones around them are in hiding because onboarding someone to our status is exhausting and sometimes risky so signaling that you’ve already done some the work is AMAZING.
But that being said… Don’t feel guilty. This isn’t a game of right and wrong. “Political Correctness” is a tactic from the 90’s that really didn’t work because it was about policing. It was a cold politeness rather than a meaningful offering of solidarity or a chance to learn and there is a learning curve to allyship and thus a gratitude just for trying or considering a change. That you feel guilty is very sweet but you deserve to be comfortable and happy too. We as a community tend to celebrate people doing us a kindness, not begrudge people. Your friend showed you a spot where you could insert a moment of solidarity in the future if you wanted. That you immediately seem to want to is a rarer gift than you know.
I really love this reply and especially how it promotes genuine decency rather than coerced decency. I know I’m not exactly adding to the discussion, but I really wanted to recognize how warm this reply felt to me with something more than a mere upvote.
Thank you for this I do try my best to be warm!
I have heard some folk fearmonger non-binary inclusion as some sort of theoretical pronoun police with some wild idea of disciplinary power. I know a lot of non-binary folk since we are pretty decent at identifying each other in the wild… and most of us don’t even introduce ourselves with our preferred pronouns if folk don’t make the space at a place we know we’re likely good because it’s still kind of awkward!
We know we’re asking for a mental effort in helping us out so when it happens and people want to give us a boost it’s so magic. The amount of energy we reclaim by not having our bodies reflected back at us through words is noticeable and so appreciated. With any group of folks with needs self advocating all the time really isn’t tenable. We oftentimes just want to pick the path of least resistance even if it means putting up with stuff that’s bad for us.
When people misgender someone by accident or say something in the moment that upon reflection wasn’t great they often are far too hard on themselves. Yeah it doesn’t feel great but you gotta step on some feet before you can dance and we’re just happy you’re dancing!